I'm Tired of Being Needed - I Want to Be Wanted
There’s a difference between being needed because you make everyone’s life easier and being wanted simply because you’re you.
I’ve been thinking about something lately that probably sounds a little dark at first.
Okay, maybe a lot dark. 😬
What if I just disappeared for a while?
Not forever. I’m not talking about running away and starting a new identity somewhere—although depending on the day, a tiny cottage where nobody knows my phone number sounds pretty damn peaceful. 😂
I mean really stepping away.
Stop answering every call.
Stop solving every problem.
Stop remembering everything.
Stop helping everybody figure their shit out.
How long would it take before someone noticed?
And more importantly...
What would make them notice?
Would they notice because they missed me?
Or would they notice because suddenly they needed something and I wasn't there to do it?
Yeah.
We're starting strong today. 😂☕️
Would You Actually Notice?
If you asked the people who love you, “Would you notice if I disappeared?” they're obviously going to say yes.
Of course they would.
But there's another question underneath that one that nobody really wants to ask:
Would you notice immediately—or would you notice when you needed me?
Because those are two very different things.
And family? We love them.
But let's be real.
You're probably never going to walk up to somebody you love and ask a question like that and receive the completely raw, uncomfortable truth if that truth makes them look bad.
Why are we like that?
Why are we so afraid of saying the things we're actually thinking?
Sometimes when people speak honestly about feeling invisible, lonely, unwanted, exhausted, or forgotten, everybody immediately gets uncomfortable.
Suddenly it's “Are you okay?”
“Why would you think like that?”
“Don't say things like that.”
No, darling.
Sometimes it's just the truth—with a little twist to it. 😬
Maybe if we were all a little more honest about the uncomfortable things happening inside our heads, we'd realize how many other people are thinking them too.
And maybe we'd all be okay.
Ish. 😬😂
Progress.
Being Needed Can Look a Lot Like Being Loved
This is where things get complicated.
Because I am loved.
I know that.
I have moments with my girls and my husband where nobody needs anything from me. We just hang out.
We sit together.
We talk.
We shop.
We laugh.
We do absolutely nothing important.
And those are some of the most peaceful moments for me.
Because nobody needs me to fix something.
Nobody needs me to find something.
Nobody needs me to make a phone call, solve a problem, clean something, remember something or figure something out.
They just want me there.
That's what being wanted feels like to me.
It's peaceful.
It's calming.
It's knowing that my presence is enough.
And then reality comes flying back through the door:
“Can you help me?”
“Can you get this for me?”
Meanwhile, the thing they're asking me to get is approximately FOUR INCHES FROM THEIR BODY.
Whew.
Got a little worked up there. 😬😂
Anyway.
Back to the emotional breakthrough.
Would You Miss Me—or Would You Miss Everything I Do for You?
BOOM.
Where the hell did THAT come from? 😂
But seriously.
Would you?
That's the million-dollar question.
And I actually think the truthful answer for most people is:
Both.
They would miss you.
But they'd also miss everything you do.
And there's nothing inherently wrong with that.
Taking care of the people we love is part of loving them. Helping each other is what families, friendships, marriages and relationships are supposed to do.
The problem begins when you start wondering whether being useful is the price you have to pay to feel valuable.
That's when the questions get harder.
If I stop fixing everything... am I still valuable?
If I don't answer the phone... will they call again just to check on me?
If I'm the one falling apart this time... does anybody know how to take care of me?
If I sit down and stop doing... will anyone still want to sit beside me?
Those questions?
Those are the ones we don't like talking about.
Because sometimes we're afraid of what the answers might be.
Sometimes I Want Someone to Take Care of Me
There.
I said it.
Sometimes I wish someone would just take care of me without me having to ask.
And when I say take care of me, I don't mean I want somebody following me around fluffing pillows and feeding me grapes while I dramatically recover from doing laundry. 😂
Although...
No. Focus.
I mean I want someone to put the same effort and love into taking care of me that I put into taking care of them.
If I'm cleaning, just start helping.
Don't wait for me to ask.
If the trash is full, take it out.
Preferably sometime before we're balancing garbage on top like we're competing in some weird household version of Jenga.
If something needs done and you see it—do it.
Not because I told you.
Because you noticed.
That's it.
It's the tiniest things.
One little thing here.
Another there.
A little effort.
A little thought.
A tiny moment that says:
“I saw this. I thought about you. So I handled it.”
THAT makes someone feel appreciated.
That makes someone feel cared for.
That makes someone feel wanted.
I Notice When You Aren't Okay
Here's the part I struggle to explain.
When someone I love isn't acting like themselves, I usually notice immediately.
I don't know why.
I don't know how.
Something just feels different.
Their voice changes.
Their energy changes.
They get quieter.
They isolate.
They stop doing something they normally do.
Something in me goes:
They're not okay.
And suddenly it almost feels like I can feel their hurt too.
So, I'll ask.
I'll listen.
I'll talk about it with them if they want to talk.
And if they don't?
Then we can sit there silently while they breathe through it.
You don't always need the perfect words.
Sometimes you don't need words at all.
You just need somebody beside you.
Because when someone notices without you having to scream “I'M NOT OKAY,” something happens.
You feel seen.
You know you aren't alone.
You know you can be yourself with that person because they showed up before you had to ask them to.
And THAT...
That is beautiful.
So Let Me Ask You Something
Who reaches out to you?
Who asks about your day because they genuinely want to know?
Who notices when you shut down?
Who notices when you start isolating?
Who realizes you've stopped doing things you used to enjoy?
Who takes care of you when you've done everything you possibly can and finally need to rest?
And if you're sitting there answering...
Nobody.
Girl.
This is where you belong.
Because I've been there.
Hell, sometimes I'm still there.
I don't have some magical answer that's going to make everybody in your life suddenly recognize everything you've been quietly carrying.
But I can tell you this:
You shouldn't have to exhaust yourself proving that you're worth keeping around.
Your value isn't measured by how many problems you solve.
Your worth isn't determined by how useful you are.
And your happiness and your health matter just as much as everybody else's.
You deserve people who don't only notice when you stop doing things for them.
You deserve people who notice you.
And while we're figuring all of this out together, if you're wondering whether anybody sees you...
I do.
If you're wondering whether somebody cares...
I care.
So maybe that's where we start.
By noticing each other.
By telling the truth—even when it's uncomfortable.
By helping without always being asked.
By checking on the strong one.
By sitting beside someone when they don't have the words.
Because sometimes being wanted isn't some huge declaration of love.
Sometimes it's someone taking out the trash.
Sometimes it's a random “How are you really doing?”
Sometimes it's sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing together.
Sometimes it's someone noticing you're quieter than usual and choosing to stay.
It's effort.
It's thought.
It's presence.
It's someone quietly reminding you:
You don't have to do anything for me right now. I just want you here.
And THAT?
That is what being wanted should feel like. 🌸
🌸 Beautifully Overwhelmed
For the strong ones, the overthinkers, the exhausted fixers, and anyone who has ever wondered whether people love them—or simply love everything they do.
You don't have to earn your place here.
Come sit down.
I've probably reheated the coffee already. ☕️😂
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